Apr 03 2008
Hard Truths, Whole Truths and Nothing But the Truth? Bull!
Published by Tom Volkar under Fulfilling Work, Getting Unstuck, Removing Excuses | 
Email This Post
What a wonderful adventure self-employment is. I’m laughing at myself today and I want to share that laugh with you. What’s cracking me up? Just that I had a truth to tell, and hemmed and hawed about telling that truth - which is soooo not who I am. Temporarily, I forgot an essential truth of life.
It’s all bull. We make it all up. (Image by mrchriscornwell on Flickr, via Creative Commons license) 
In personal matters, everything we perceive as truth is really a fabrication that we put together to explain our actions and decisions. Through the lenses of our own perception, every story that we tell ourselves about ourselves, if limiting in any way, is pure bull. Our stories are full of reasons, justifications, excuses and lies that we create so that we don’t have to be as authentically daring as we really know we ought to be.
“There are no whole truths: all truths are half-truths. It is trying to treat them as whole truths that plays the devil.” - Alfred North Whitehead
Here’s what’s so funny. Like most folks, I don’t really enjoy confrontation. But like most coaches, I rigorously self-examine. So when I know something’s not kosher, I really can’t remain silent.
I suspect that my darker side may even bring things to a boil so that bold action is necessary. For a long time, I was one of those guys who avoided conflict and procrastinated until I forced my own hand. Then I buckled down and pulled things out at the last minute. I repeated that pattern until it didn’t work for me in one colossal failure. But something within me still craves the remnants of last minute heroics, because I continue to create situations that require it.
For example, I’d rather be brutally honest, even at the risk of rubbing someone the wrong way, than remain silent and tolerant. Isn’t that what we mean when we say we are done suffering fools? But who’s really the fool? Who created the situation in the first place?
The reason I’m laughing so hard at myself is that I’ve realized that I continue to create the very tyranny that I do battle with. It’s no wonder that Braveheart is my favorite movie.
For me, the greatest benefit of self-employment is the freedom of self-determination. But this freedom to call one’s own shots comes with the responsibility of exercising our independence in the face of the pressure to conform. We can’t truly live our freedom without reclaiming it on a regular basis, even if that reclamation is accomplished by smashing the boundaries of our own fabrications.
Sometimes the only thing holding me back is a limiting belief about myself. I suspect if you look within you’ll find the same thing to be true for you.
“I am powerless is the lie beneath all other lies.” - Steve Chandler
Want to try a powerful, yet very quick and easy exercise? Write down something you say you really want at the top of a pad of paper. Since you don’t already have it, you must have some beliefs that support you not having it. Right? Go ahead and write them all down. Just really make the case for why you can’t have what you want. No go back over your list and see if you really are powerless to make your move. Or is it just a story you’ve been telling yourself?
If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!
Hi Tom - Thanks for sharing this with us. I love the idea that I write the script for my life! I also love what you said about “But who’s really the fool? Who created the situation in the first place?” … I’m going to remember this next time I start getting upset at “the idiots” who are all “out there”!
Interestingly, regarding your last paragraph - we are busy house-hunting at the moment, and I have a very clear idea of what I want in a house. But so far, we haven’t found “it”. I was feeling quite frustrated on Sunday after an afternoon of viewing a lot of houses unsuitable to us, and musing over the issue with my guides, asking them why we hadn’t found “our” house yet. They replied “You can have it when you really want it”. I was flabbergasted… “But I do really want it! Of course I do!”. But they were right, when I started looking into it a little more deeply - I was holding some very limiting beliefs about it - the size of house that I want, in the area I want it, means an increase in council tax and a longer commute into the city. Every time I thought about the house, those issues would come up, along with issues around how to afford the house and the extra costs… oh boy! Time for a new script!
Mags, regarding those “idiots” the best thing I ever heard is - that’s me too. I’m so glad that you “got me” in this post. Once I started laughing at myself I found so many situations where I was limiting myself that at times I lost my way and couldn’t discern which situation I was writing about. But since we make it all up and that keeps us from going for our bolder challenges we do need a new script. Being the authority in our own life means that we are the authors of it. Do come back and tell us the story of finding your dream home now that you’ve lifted the limits!
I too get so caught up in what I believe is true. When in reality I’m trying to wrap my brain around all the things that happen to me in a day. My script right now is my website. All the work that I put into it and how I let it define me. I’m so much more than my website.
That’s the battle that we all have. I read a great Buddhist quote that said something to the effect that when we think we can fix everything through our thoughts we aren’t seeing the big picture. We are still tapped in the lie. When we can just let go and enjoy ourselves we can stop pretending.
Karl I love that Buddhist line. Thank you for the suggestion to just let things go once in awhile and enjoy life as it is. Yes many times I have let my work define me until I just laughed out loud at the silliness of it all. Sometimes I wonder if my real calling is to create so much work life freedom that my freedom defines me and not my work.
Thanks for reminding me that “Every story we tell ourselves, if limiting in any way, is pure bull.” That rings especially true because of the part that says “if limiting in anyway”.
We do tell ourselves stories about people, places and things that show up daily. Heck, I even tell myself stories when I’m sleeping - some delightful, some scary - most seem real at the moment. Interesting how the story which plays out as a nightmare can be so easliy scoffed while the one that is told while awake must be heard and believed!? Now that really is some Bull!
Since it’s all made up anyway, why not make up a really good story with me (you) as the star and then just go out and live it! Wow - that’d be cool!
Five words in your post should be a part of my story every single day:
Wonderful. Adventure. Laughing. Daring. Funny.
Excuse me while I rewrite my story!
John good to feel your special, tell-it-like-it-is spirit once more. Yes let’s make up some deliciously daring adventures and go out and live them. We do make it all up and I find that to be tremendously refreshing. Is anyone else out there ready for a fresh new start?
Tom,
Great post. I think that most people won’t quit work simply because low self esteem. If you consider your self worth more than measley paycheck that you earn by trading hours, you will have will to change the course and take personal responsibility. Another reason is that most people consider job a safe bet. How ironical considering the fact that they put their life at risk by allowing someone else to make decision about their lives.
I just subscribed to your blog. Wonderful blog.
Thanks
Shilpan