Jun 24 2008
Cash in on the Hidden Gold Beneath Your Fears
Published by Tom Volkar under Getting Unstuck | 
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For every entrepreneur who has already seized the freedom of self-employment, there are at least 10 who want to but hesitate to take the leap. As a coach, it’s obvious to me that these folks are looking at what they fear - rather than what they want. But how can we encourage them? How can we help them to take action in spite of their fears?
Here’s one way. As a card-carrying member of the Eternal Optimists’ Club, I often ask this question when faced with an unexpected challenge. What’s good about it? 
This morning I began pondering what’s good about my fears? What’s the value of fears? Fears arise for a reason. Behind every fear is a path that leads to greater freedom and fulfillment. So one could reasonably argue that fears point to a value that we cannot see until we face the fear.
In order to bring forth our pure and fearless selves, we need to face and examine the fears that are coming up for us in the present moment. We won’t find the gold by being afraid to look, and we won’t find it by looking in the wrong place.
Often a coaching client will share that he or she is in a funk and doesn’t know what it is, or what has caused it. Then the client will begin an ineffective pursuit to find out why. Why do I feel this way? When struggling, do not seek to understand why it is that you struggle. You’ll seldom be able to find the truth from that perspective.
No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it.
Albert Einstein
Instead, try making the assumption that you are fearful of something that needs further exploration. Instead of asking the judgment-laden question: What’s wrong with me? Or: Why am I feeling this way? Ask: What do I fear? If you are the kind of person who avoids facing your fears, you may have more than one fear. No sweat, just write them all down until the most demanding culprit reveals is itself. Then inquire internally to find one or more things that are good about the specific fear.
There is hidden gold waiting to be mined just beneath the surface of your fears. You just need an approach that will help you to see the gold. Below, I’ve offered five approaches to uncover it. First read the approach and then answer the accompanying fear identifier.
Fears point to decisions that need to be made.
What decision(s) have I been putting off?
Fears show us that greater truths need to be realized.
Since fears are imagined and not real, they are there to help us to transition to what is real. What greater truth am I not seeing because I’ve been afraid to look?
Fears alert us to potential danger.
What signs am I misreading or not seeing that could cause me harm?
Fears expose our erroneous self-judgments.
Where have I been doubting and judging myself without any proof that it’s true?
Fears show us what is stopping us by revealing our excuses.
What stories have I been telling myself in the form of excuses that stop me from taking action?
Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy. Dale Carnegie.
In order to be fearless, we need to face our fears as they arise. That way there is no build-up and nothing lying in wait that comes back to get us. Your fears are your friends. They exist to show you value that you haven’t yet seen. Don’t allow them to determine your destiny by fearing. Instead, allow them to shine a light on your optimum path by courageously facing them.
If you’ve read this far and still have fears, then you have yet to answer the questions above. Answer them and become the fearless creator you were meant to be.
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Tom, I am going to print this out and next time that I have a fear to face I will use these very effective questions. These are really great ways to face our fears. I seem to be doing a lot of that, again. Thanks for the tools to do that.
Patricia - Spiritual Journey Of A Lightworkers last blog post..Shame, The Abuser’s Friend
This is a great article, Tom! The unknown is always going to be part of our lives, and so is fear. I agree with you that fear can be a great teacher, if we’re willing to have a good, hard look at the fear. I love the idea of fear being an invitation to go deeper within ourselves.
Blessings,
Andrea
Andrea Hess|Empowered Souls last blog post..Is Your Intuition Wrong?
I have yet to face a fear that didn’t diminish, at least in part, the instant I DECIDED to face it. (And I’m not even yet facing it - just deciding to face it!) Yet, I have countless times forgotten my own evidence when another fear pops up. Crazy how that works, huh?
Andrea, I think this points to what you’re talking about - that fear is always going to be a part of our lives. Like pain. And THANK GOD, I say.
Just like pain is the messenger, not the problem - so it is with fear. Fear is the messenger, or like Tom says here, it hides a path that leads to greater freedom and fulfillment.
When we get stuck concentrating on the fear itself, we miss the point, the same as what happens when we concentrate on the pain. Neither are our problem unless we make them the problem by not looking further, deeper, beyond. Both exist for a reason - to HELP us. When I made this shift in my understanding them both, my life became immeasurably better. I still experience fear and I still experience pain - it’s just that now I see them as part of my ‘life radar’, calls to me to pay more attention.
Suzanne Bird-Harris | Learning Curve Coachings last blog post..Operating On A ‘Need To Know’ Basis
Hi Tom,
This quote hits the nail on the head.
It reminds me of the saying that goes something like, “we can analyze until we paralyze”. When situations come our way, we need to deal with them head on, and then put them behind us.
Thanks for the great reminder of how fear can stop us in our tracks, if we let it.
Barbara Swaffords last blog post..Blog Posts - Are We Our Worst Critic?
I enjoy your perspective about fear. Fear can be a major stumbling block, causing us to freeze up instead of taking much needed action. There is no way that we can conquer fear, unless we pick up the courage to face it.
Evelyn Lims last blog post..Five Hindrances To A Successful Meditation
Patricia by frequently facing your fears you are increasing your self-understanding significantly. Like most muscles this is also one that strengthens with the frequency of use - soon it will be an automatic, empowering response.
Andrea I could not agree more. Knowing all that’s on the horizon would remove most of the suspense from life. What a kick the unknown is. I wouldn’t have it any other way. Yes, new fears will always arise but we do get better at responding to them and understanding their accompanying wisdom.
Suzanne it appears as though you’ve reached a wonderful level realization regarding the purpose of fear. “Life’s radar” is a very apt description. To eagerly face the music and get the gift, all we need to do is to respond swiftly to the radar’s ping.
Barbara now I’m really impressed. It sounds like you are another who is already practicing this lesson. I’m blessed to have so many courageous women readers of this blog. I wonder if this is just coincidence or do women more readily face their fears? What do you think?
Evelyn you’re right of course. Fear does vanish once we face it. Most of us have tried it the other way and found that way lacking. Not only is it lacking in integrity but the results of dodging rather than facing ones fears are far from fulfilling.
Tom Volkar / Delightful Works last blog post..Cash in on the Hidden Gold Beneath Your Fears
Tom: This is a great way to look at fear: not an emotion that is meant to paralyze us, but an emotion that is there to tell us that there’s something we’re failing to see and need to look at more closely. I especially like this one: “Where have I been doubting and judging myself without any proof that it’s true?”.
Marelisas last blog post..Creating Your Dream Life: Your Thinking Style
Fear is one of my favorite learning tools. I joined Toastmasters because I was afraid to speak to groups of people. I knew that I wanted to do more with the information on my blog so I leaned into this fear. Now I love to speak to groups. It’s so energizing and always unique.
Karl Staibs last blog post..7 Awesome Lessons from Bill Gates – Love Him or Hate Him, He is a Genius
Tom, I just posted my own article inspired by this article on my blog. I called it “Gifts Of Facing Your Fears.” Tell me what you think.
Thanks Tom, I love your positive approach, and especially that you give steps on how to deal with it, so it doesn’t become just a should but is a real option.
A very impressive post, thanks.
Tom,
Great article. Our fears can be very helpful tools, if we prevent them from running the show. But one has to be careful: there is a balance between being paralized by fear and heedlessly ignoring the sensible warnings they give us.
Vitor
Vitor - The Fractal Forests last blog post..Burst of Life
Mare welcome, that’s a favorite question of mine as well. Where have I been doubting and judging myself without any proof that it’s true? I use it often to expose limited beliefs and to replace them with thoughts that are more desirable.
Karl it’s beautiful when we decide to face our fears and then experience the delight on the other side.
Evan welcome, thank you for visiting and commenting. I agree choices are always preferable to judgmental should language. The track is to become an aware of oue words and thoughts before they bring us down.
Vitor you make a good point. Fear does exist for a reason and warning us into greater awareness is always a possibility.
Tom, I got to know this post from Evan. And thanks a lot for this message! The questions really able to show our hidden fear and erroneous thoughts.
Robert
Robert A. Henrus last blog post..How to overcome limitations
Great things to ponder. I find that I avoid things worrying about what I might discover. Instead I need to tackle them head on to see what I might uncover! :O)
These comments on fear remind me of one of my favorite quotes, by a woman named Betty Bender (I have no idea who she is - please post something if you do!). Anyway, here’s her quote: “Anything I’ve ever done that ultimately was worthwhile … initially scared me to death.”
Tell me, can we all relate to that?!?
Chris that’s an excellent point. I had to pause and reflect on it a bit. I guess it’s because when we are scared to death we really care about the outcome of what we are working on.
I’d like to think that now, at this time in my life I’ve finally arrived at the point where new projects do not scare me to death. I’m working on one now that I’m sure will be worthwhile but fear just hasn’t come visiting. Perhaps we can get past the point of being fearful on things we care about?
Hi Chris,
Sometimes the worthwhile stuff is simple and easy: listening to someone, buying a child an icecream. Not scary at all.
Evans last blog post..Overwhelmed - two ways to deal with it
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