Comments on: “Whatever” Sucks - Commitment Rocks

By: Tom Volkar

Tom Volkar — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 18:52:34 +0000

Hi Heather, welcome. I guess “whatever’ could be authentic but there is no mistaking the resigned tone of voice that I heard in the given example above. Your suggestion to ask is a good one. Unfortunately by that time the relationship had deteriorated to the point of no return. Good advice to give the benefit of the doubt though.

By: Heather

Heather — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 00:11:38 +0000

I realize this is an old thread, but another take on this…Sometimes saying “whatever” is the most authentic response, because that’s how the other person is feeling in that moment. Also, your reality of “whatever” may be different than her’s. Did you ask her why she used the word? She may have an entirely different take on it, and her intention may have been completely different than the one you assigned her.

By: Tom Volkar

Tom Volkar — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 15:42:21 +0000

Hi Penny welcome to Delightful Work. Your paradox about commitment and freedom is spot on. Now that you’ve recognized that you are free to commit less and honor them all. Yes I love that Goethe quote, it’s beyond inspiring.

By: Penny

Penny — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 15:23:56 +0000

Hello,
Googling ‘committment’ I came across your site which has been an interesting read.
I have recently come to the awareness that I’m a commitmentphobe which has held me back from commitments in all sorts of areas of my life. I now think that, like so many other paradoxes in life, the more you commit, the freer you become, whereas I have spent my life unconsciously acting out the reverse.
A wonderful lady, a professional storyteller e-mailed me this recently; it is inspired by Goethe, from a mountaineer’s book:

…. the moment one definitely commits oneself
Then Providence moves too.
All sorts of things occur to help one
That would never otherwise have occurred
A whole stream of events issues from the decision,
Raising in one’s favour
All manner of unforseen incidents and
meetings and material assistance …….

As to the word ‘whatever’ - here it’s become a catch phrase mainly attributed to a certain type of young person. My son used it the other day (yikes and he’s a scholarship Cambridge university student!) for the first time. I had something to say about that! He backtracked fast, something about being tired!

By: Tom Volkar

Tom Volkar — Sat, 09 Aug 2008 11:46:46 +0000

Deb you are not alone. It’s got me thinking as well. We often teach what we need to learn, right? In my endless quest for fresh project energy I can make decisions impulsively so it’s always good to go back and apply the burning boat standard to them.

Jarrod I sensed that you were an all out kind of guy. You sound strong in your resolve.

By: Jarrod - Warrior Development

Jarrod - Warrior Development — Sat, 09 Aug 2008 09:33:35 +0000

I use ‘whatever’ and ‘either way’ rather often from day to day simply because people do talk about so many things that have little matter.

Then again when a decision does actually have to be made I act totally opposite and go all out. I endeavour not to change my mind or think any more on a decision unless new information comes to light.

Jarrod - Warrior Developments last blog post..Embracing Hardship: Cold Shower Please

By: deb

deb — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 19:55:04 +0000

that “viking burning the boat” analogy had me seriously sit down and think about how committed i am to a couple of recent decisions.

it made me realize why i’ve been not doing so well in one area (which i’ll share soon)…..and it also made me seriously consider how committed i am to this new endeavor where i’m working out with a personal trainer. (there was a day where i seriously considered not going….already! but after making a commitment, i had a schedule change and couldn’t make my normal time one day. know what i did? i made arrangements to go at 6 a.m. yep.)

you definitely got me thinking.
thanks!
all the best!
deb

debs last blog post..doing things differently

By: Brett Legree

Brett Legree — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 18:31:07 +0000

Tom,

It is nice to hear that from someone like yourself (someone who’s burned the boat) - when I hit an obstacle in one area, I can do something else for a while until I know what to do to get past that obstacle. Or maybe just to be able to take a break, so as to stay fresh and focused. I am in the middle of Project Blastoff right now and I will definitely let you know how it goes - I know it will be quite valuable.

Thanks again - Brett

Brett Legrees last blog post..viking fridays - the worst sickness.

By: Tom Volkar

Tom Volkar — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 17:56:39 +0000

Brett four things at once are okay and even preferred for some of us. Some of us need the freedom to move from project to project so that we are always eagerly present. I think the folks who say to only focus on one thing at a time have a different makeup than we do. Be sure to tell me how useful Project Blastoff was for you.

Laurie I can see where your use of whatever could end the conversation. It probably works because the other party doesn’t want to go there either. Next time why not just tell it like it is and say you don’t want to argue.

Susan it sounds like the peace you arrive at in those decision came as a result of consideration. You’re right that “nothing” carries the same empty weight of non-engagement. Welcome to Delightful Work and please come back.

By: Susan

Susan — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 17:15:11 +0000

For me, commitment is easy when I have peace about the decision. It is a peace—and a knowing—that I cannot readily explain, but it is tangible for me. Perhaps many of us (including me) are searching for whatever we are searching for and get sidetracked from ==NOW==this moment==today.

“Whatever” to me, is the same as “Nothing” when someone says something and you say, What did you say? and they respond, “Nothing.”
The only positive is that we always do have a choice about our reaction–and how we respond– and how to expend our energy.
I agree, commitment is imperative. It’s all about what is really important…and our courage to tell the truth.