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	<title>Comments on: Off Kilter, Pissed and Real</title>
	<atom:link href="http://www.delightfulwork.com/relationships/off-kilter-pissed-and-real/feed/" rel="self" type="application/rss+xml" />
	<link>http://www.delightfulwork.com/relationships/off-kilter-pissed-and-real/</link>
	<description>Tom Volkar ~ Coaching the leap and the landing to small business success.</description>
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		<title>By: Tom Volkar</title>
		<link>http://www.delightfulwork.com/relationships/off-kilter-pissed-and-real/comment-page-1/#comment-2230</link>
		<dc:creator>Tom Volkar</dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Mon, 09 Mar 2009 12:39:07 +0000</pubDate>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.delightfulwork.com/?p=317#comment-2230</guid>
		<description>Kristi - I understand your point and he may have meant that. I&#039;ve just decided that it feels more authentic for me to err on the side of forthrightness before caution.</description>
		<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Kristi &#8211; I understand your point and he may have meant that. I&#8217;ve just decided that it feels more authentic for me to err on the side of forthrightness before caution.</p>
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		<title>By: Kikolani &#124; Blogging, Poetry, Photography</title>
		<link>http://www.delightfulwork.com/relationships/off-kilter-pissed-and-real/comment-page-1/#comment-1927</link>
		<dc:creator>Kikolani &#124; Blogging, Poetry, Photography</dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Tue, 17 Feb 2009 20:31:43 +0000</pubDate>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.delightfulwork.com/?p=317#comment-1927</guid>
		<description>I don&#039;t believe that “Don’t share anything here that you wouldn’t put up on billboards all over town.” really means to wear a mask.  My personal interpretation is it was intended to mean that you should think before you share certain things.  Make sure it is not some reactionary thing that you might want to take back later, but a true feeling that you do not have a problem with the world knowing about.  

That being said, I agree with letting out anger.  The more you hold it back, the more it builds up and becomes a part of who you are, instead of just a reaction to a situation.

~ Kristi

&lt;abbr&gt;&lt;em&gt;Kikolani &#124; Blogging, Poetry, Photographys last blog post..&lt;a href=&quot;http://kikolani.com/return-sleep-paralysis.html&quot;&gt;The Return of Sleep Paralysis&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/abbr&gt;&lt;/em&gt;</description>
		<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>I don&#8217;t believe that “Don’t share anything here that you wouldn’t put up on billboards all over town.” really means to wear a mask.  My personal interpretation is it was intended to mean that you should think before you share certain things.  Make sure it is not some reactionary thing that you might want to take back later, but a true feeling that you do not have a problem with the world knowing about.  </p>
<p>That being said, I agree with letting out anger.  The more you hold it back, the more it builds up and becomes a part of who you are, instead of just a reaction to a situation.</p>
<p>~ Kristi</p>
<p><abbr><em>Kikolani | Blogging, Poetry, Photographys last blog post..<a href="http://kikolani.com/return-sleep-paralysis.html">The Return of Sleep Paralysis</a></em></abbr></p>
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		<title>By: Tom Volkar</title>
		<link>http://www.delightfulwork.com/relationships/off-kilter-pissed-and-real/comment-page-1/#comment-1888</link>
		<dc:creator>Tom Volkar</dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sun, 15 Feb 2009 17:44:06 +0000</pubDate>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.delightfulwork.com/?p=317#comment-1888</guid>
		<description>Andrew - Welcome. That&#039;s the beauty of authenticity, each of us get to decide what level of disclosure is authentic for us. Glad you&#039;re a fully feeling individual as well.</description>
		<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Andrew &#8211; Welcome. That&#8217;s the beauty of authenticity, each of us get to decide what level of disclosure is authentic for us. Glad you&#8217;re a fully feeling individual as well.</p>
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		<title>By: Andrew</title>
		<link>http://www.delightfulwork.com/relationships/off-kilter-pissed-and-real/comment-page-1/#comment-1877</link>
		<dc:creator>Andrew</dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Fri, 13 Feb 2009 13:42:55 +0000</pubDate>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.delightfulwork.com/?p=317#comment-1877</guid>
		<description>Tom,

In terms of dealing with others, its important, as you say, to be as transparent as possible, and if I were on the other side of the table, I would refuse to do business with anyone whom I did not feel was above board.

That said, you do not have to reveal your &#039;dark side&#039; to everyone with whom you come in contact. Personally, I share my more vulnerable side only with friends who I consider to be very trustworthy, and whom I am certain will maintain my confidence with respect to confidentiality.

But on a more personal level, I feel that being in touch with all our emotions - the good and the bad, is essential if we are to live our lives in an emotionally healthy state. Denial of negative emotions is not an effective way to deal with the problem. The only way is to tackle them head on.

&lt;abbr&gt;&lt;em&gt;Andrews last blog post..&lt;a href=&quot;http://www.goodhonestdollar.com/free-her-fiats-big-call-on-burma-part-2&quot;&gt;Free her - Fiat’s big call on Burma (part 2)&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/abbr&gt;&lt;/em&gt;</description>
		<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Tom,</p>
<p>In terms of dealing with others, its important, as you say, to be as transparent as possible, and if I were on the other side of the table, I would refuse to do business with anyone whom I did not feel was above board.</p>
<p>That said, you do not have to reveal your &#8216;dark side&#8217; to everyone with whom you come in contact. Personally, I share my more vulnerable side only with friends who I consider to be very trustworthy, and whom I am certain will maintain my confidence with respect to confidentiality.</p>
<p>But on a more personal level, I feel that being in touch with all our emotions &#8211; the good and the bad, is essential if we are to live our lives in an emotionally healthy state. Denial of negative emotions is not an effective way to deal with the problem. The only way is to tackle them head on.</p>
<p><abbr><em>Andrews last blog post..<a href="http://www.goodhonestdollar.com/free-her-fiats-big-call-on-burma-part-2">Free her &#8211; Fiat’s big call on Burma (part 2)</a></em></abbr></p>
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		<title>By: Tom Volkar</title>
		<link>http://www.delightfulwork.com/relationships/off-kilter-pissed-and-real/comment-page-1/#comment-1865</link>
		<dc:creator>Tom Volkar</dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Tue, 10 Feb 2009 22:13:32 +0000</pubDate>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.delightfulwork.com/?p=317#comment-1865</guid>
		<description>Mare - That may be the case with other folks. Know this guy, it&#039;s not. He has high standards and simply places what he sees as true feedback as necessary. He was concerned that he was too harsh.  I&#039;ve since looked at the specific feedback and no doubt I can improve the product as a result of it. It was simply his delivery that made me cringe.</description>
		<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Mare &#8211; That may be the case with other folks. Know this guy, it&#8217;s not. He has high standards and simply places what he sees as true feedback as necessary. He was concerned that he was too harsh.  I&#8217;ve since looked at the specific feedback and no doubt I can improve the product as a result of it. It was simply his delivery that made me cringe.</p>
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		<title>By: Marelisa</title>
		<link>http://www.delightfulwork.com/relationships/off-kilter-pissed-and-real/comment-page-1/#comment-1863</link>
		<dc:creator>Marelisa</dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Tue, 10 Feb 2009 21:51:28 +0000</pubDate>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.delightfulwork.com/?p=317#comment-1863</guid>
		<description>Hi Tom: I get angry over how meddlesome people are in this country, in particular women.  Just thought I&#039;d share that :-)

You know, sometimes people are mean because of their own issues.  Maybe your friend wishes he were more like you and that led him to emit harsh and unwarranted criticism.</description>
		<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Hi Tom: I get angry over how meddlesome people are in this country, in particular women.  Just thought I&#8217;d share that <img src='http://www.delightfulwork.com/wp-includes/images/smilies/icon_smile.gif' alt=':-)' class='wp-smiley' /> </p>
<p>You know, sometimes people are mean because of their own issues.  Maybe your friend wishes he were more like you and that led him to emit harsh and unwarranted criticism.</p>
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		<title>By: Tom Volkar</title>
		<link>http://www.delightfulwork.com/relationships/off-kilter-pissed-and-real/comment-page-1/#comment-1852</link>
		<dc:creator>Tom Volkar</dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sun, 08 Feb 2009 17:12:12 +0000</pubDate>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.delightfulwork.com/?p=317#comment-1852</guid>
		<description>Lance - Invite all of your feelings to the table, even those that are tough to digest. You&#039;ll find the resulting power amazing.

Juliet - Yep. Sugar-coating is still only a coaching. What&#039;s real always lies beneath. 

Natalia - Welcome.  You asked. &quot;Is it possible that your friend thought they were being kind and supportive?&quot; Well it doesn&#039;t matter at this point because the delivery of his feedback was only a trigger for me to feel deeper issues. But I did talk with him and he was feeling like he could have been kinder even before we addressed this. So my initial reaction was both accurate and a link to deeper gold. You&#039;ll find some interesting insights in the comments above. It&#039;s possible to see the value in anger when we can separate anger from violence. They don&#039;t mean the same thing. It&#039;s possible to be angry and hurt no one.  Also the best thing about anger is what it teaches us about what we are really thinking.</description>
		<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Lance &#8211; Invite all of your feelings to the table, even those that are tough to digest. You&#8217;ll find the resulting power amazing.</p>
<p>Juliet &#8211; Yep. Sugar-coating is still only a coaching. What&#8217;s real always lies beneath. </p>
<p>Natalia &#8211; Welcome.  You asked. &#8220;Is it possible that your friend thought they were being kind and supportive?&#8221; Well it doesn&#8217;t matter at this point because the delivery of his feedback was only a trigger for me to feel deeper issues. But I did talk with him and he was feeling like he could have been kinder even before we addressed this. So my initial reaction was both accurate and a link to deeper gold. You&#8217;ll find some interesting insights in the comments above. It&#8217;s possible to see the value in anger when we can separate anger from violence. They don&#8217;t mean the same thing. It&#8217;s possible to be angry and hurt no one.  Also the best thing about anger is what it teaches us about what we are really thinking.</p>
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		<title>By: Natalia Burleson</title>
		<link>http://www.delightfulwork.com/relationships/off-kilter-pissed-and-real/comment-page-1/#comment-1851</link>
		<dc:creator>Natalia Burleson</dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sun, 08 Feb 2009 14:07:30 +0000</pubDate>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.delightfulwork.com/?p=317#comment-1851</guid>
		<description>Hey I found you over at Lance&#039;s place!  As I was reading about your disappointment in how your friend delivered criticism, it brought to mind perception.  Is it possible that your friend thought they were being kind and supportive?  

I love what you&#039;re saying about being real!  Anger is a part of being real, a big part.  Anger is an emotion that I have trouble with.  I&#039;m trying to teach my son that anger is an OK emotion and the OK ways to express it.  I have to say I&#039;m flying blind in this department.  But as I teach him, I learn...how is that possible?

&lt;abbr&gt;&lt;em&gt;Natalia Burlesons last blog post..&lt;a href=&quot;http://nataliaburleson.com/?p=186&quot;&gt;Acceptance, Job Interview&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/abbr&gt;&lt;/em&gt;</description>
		<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Hey I found you over at Lance&#8217;s place!  As I was reading about your disappointment in how your friend delivered criticism, it brought to mind perception.  Is it possible that your friend thought they were being kind and supportive?  </p>
<p>I love what you&#8217;re saying about being real!  Anger is a part of being real, a big part.  Anger is an emotion that I have trouble with.  I&#8217;m trying to teach my son that anger is an OK emotion and the OK ways to express it.  I have to say I&#8217;m flying blind in this department.  But as I teach him, I learn&#8230;how is that possible?</p>
<p><abbr><em>Natalia Burlesons last blog post..<a href="http://nataliaburleson.com/?p=186">Acceptance, Job Interview</a></em></abbr></p>
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		<title>By: LifeMadeGreat &#124; Juliet</title>
		<link>http://www.delightfulwork.com/relationships/off-kilter-pissed-and-real/comment-page-1/#comment-1850</link>
		<dc:creator>LifeMadeGreat &#124; Juliet</dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sun, 08 Feb 2009 13:06:09 +0000</pubDate>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.delightfulwork.com/?p=317#comment-1850</guid>
		<description>Hi Tom

I think it is very important to experience and allow the feeling. 
One problem I think that comes in these days is the belief that we should immediately turn it into the positive. I think we really need to understand and deal with it, not just bury it under a load of positive phrases and comments on how we should be feeling.

Juliet

&lt;abbr&gt;&lt;em&gt;LifeMadeGreat &#124; Juliets last blog post..&lt;a href=&quot;http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/LifemadegreatBlog/~3/W2YLjM27qC4/how-do-you-deal-with-other-people&#039;s-customs&quot;&gt;How Do You Deal With Other People&#039;s Customs?&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/abbr&gt;&lt;/em&gt;</description>
		<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Hi Tom</p>
<p>I think it is very important to experience and allow the feeling.<br />
One problem I think that comes in these days is the belief that we should immediately turn it into the positive. I think we really need to understand and deal with it, not just bury it under a load of positive phrases and comments on how we should be feeling.</p>
<p>Juliet</p>
<p><abbr><em>LifeMadeGreat | Juliets last blog post..<a href="http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/LifemadegreatBlog/~3/W2YLjM27qC4/how-do-you-deal-with-other-people's-customs">How Do You Deal With Other People&#8217;s Customs?</a></em></abbr></p>
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		<title>By: Law of Attraction Card:Upward Spiral &#124; Abundance Highway</title>
		<link>http://www.delightfulwork.com/relationships/off-kilter-pissed-and-real/comment-page-1/#comment-1849</link>
		<dc:creator>Law of Attraction Card:Upward Spiral &#124; Abundance Highway</dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sun, 08 Feb 2009 09:42:30 +0000</pubDate>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.delightfulwork.com/?p=317#comment-1849</guid>
		<description>[...] I am feeling a bit like Tom Volkar was earlier this week when he wrote a great post about being Off Kilter [...]</description>
		<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>[...] I am feeling a bit like Tom Volkar was earlier this week when he wrote a great post about being Off Kilter [...]</p>
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