I’m not talking about cursing, although once you see how easy this is you may feel like letting loose.
Many say that they’d like to be their own boss but they let their fears stop them. Fear has an insidious nature to it. It seeps into everything you think and say, thus making your quest for work life freedom and happiness seem much more difficult than it is.
When fear latches onto the possibility of your dreams, it expands - as one fearful thought after another colors your world darker and darker. These thoughts create an illusion of doubt that is strengthened by your fearful words. What’s the way out?
Sometimes a tiny adjustment can lead to a huge leap in progress. This is one of those times. If you can simply bump up your awareness on what comes out of your mouth, the fear will dissipate like a morning fog and you’ll be on your way.
Language acts as a bridge between your intentions and your dreams. You can be very clear about what you want and even be very willing to take bold actions. But if your talk doesn’t allow you to see your optimum path – you’ll never walk it. Powerful language not only emboldens your actions, it makes visible options to which you were once blind.
And there’s the rub. Unless a life coach or a really good friend is willing to suggest corrections in your language, you may never know how ineffective it really is. No one can see his or her own blind spots. We simply fall into language patterns over time that do not serve us well. This weaker language repeatedly persuades us that we are capable of far less than we actually are.
In my coaching, I work with many clients who have fantastic ideas for a product or for their own small business but they lack a deep belief in themselves. It’s not so much the idea that brings success, but the man or woman behind it. It’s fascinating that these same clients are willing to make bold action agreements to move their ideas forward. Yet they can’t see the silent dream-killer working behind the scenes to trip them up. They can’t see how their own words and thoughts that precede them are making the climb to success so slippery.
If your words don’t line up with your intentions, then you’re working much harder than you need to be. It takes a tremendous amount of energy just to fight the confusion and doubt in your own mind. There is an easier way, and here it is.
Three small language adjustments that will make your dreams come true.
Use Words that evoke Possibility. Some words open us up to seeing more options and some simply close down our receptivity. The simplest shift into possibility language comes from replacing one word with another. Every time you catch yourself saying should change it to could. Should is judgmental and only reinforces an erroneous assessment of your own capability. Using could presents greater options and the life of possibility. Replace should with could in all statements about yourself and addressed to others. When we point the finger of should at another, we are making a feeble attempt to shrug responsibility. Also replace your “I must” and “I ought to” statements with “I can.” Like should, must and ought are also statements that to only serve to make you feel guilty, ineffectual and out of options.
Use Words that place you in the Now. When we speak in the future tense of “I will,” we don’t even believe ourselves. Saying “I will” is almost as weak as saying “I’ll try.” No one believes you when you talk like that, including you. However, there is something boldly empowering about bringing our language right into the present moment, which is the only place from which we can create. Here are the most powerful two words in the English language: I am. Any dream added to these two words instantly energizes and aligns your actions with your intentions. Now I’m going to give you a great gift that I often give my coaching clients the instant they hire me. Use these present moment phrases on the front in of your dream. Instead of saying, “I want to start my own business.” Say… “I’m on the verge of” starting my own business.” Or… “I’m on the brink of” making my dreams come true.” Or my favorite… “I’m in the midst of building my dream life.” The present moment power isn’t in the dream but in those first four empowering words just before you state your objective. Try a few out loud and get ready to blast yourself forward.
Use Words that are Powerfully Positive. Imagine that your life is a ballgame and you are the announcer of that game. If you could carefully listen to yourself call your own game, you’d be amazed at the level of negativity. This is no game; this is your life! If you want your life to more closely follow your intentions, it’s time to begin putting a more positive spin on how you tell your own story. This is often the most difficult of adjustments, because we are unaware of how pitiful we sound. But everyone else can tell almost immediately.
For years I repeatedly talked about my biggest business and life failure. I wrote about it here. It hurt so much that it had become not only my story but also my identity. It colored everything, so that new dreams had a very tough time taking root. Then magically one day I really heard myself - and changed how I called my life’s game.
I want you to know that how you talk about your life could be just as important as the actions you take. In fact, more so - because you probably aren’t taking actions because of the accumulation of your self-talk. Once you realize this and act on that basis, you’ll begin to watch your language about yourself and your dreams. Calling a good game means that you put the most positive spin on how your life is going. Essentially, you look for the bright side and talk about it often.
Here are a few tips on how to put more powerfully positive talk in play.
Select an important area of your life where your default talk is generally negative.
Write down what you usually say in that area. Now, rewrite your story with a more hopeful, positive spin. Keep rewriting until announcing it lifts you.
Commit to announcing your new positive story out loud three times daily. You may have a lot of crappy programming to record over, so stay with it. Have fun with it and call it out like you would a ballgame. Nothing is the end of the world. Your heart still beats regardless of your major wound. It’s time to watch your language and lighten up.
Pump up your awareness so you catch yourself when you slip into old powerless positions of blame and negativity. Congratulate yourself for each catch and replace the old with your new, inspiring spin.
A client once asked. “But what do I do when I am so stuck in the negativity that I don’t believe a more positive story about my hopes and dreams?”
When this occurs, we have a deep psychological objection to thinking more positively about ourselves. We need something that will counteract our hidden unwillingness to feel better. Gary Craig developer of Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) designed a powerful ”setup” phrase that works really well.
Here’s the phrase. “Even though I have this ________, I deeply and completely love and accept myself.” Read what John Freedom at www.emofree.com writes. “This does work - much of the time - but not always. The Setup is intended to be the built-in antidote for psychological reversal (PR). A PR is an objection to healing. It is a form of subtle self-sabotage, and includes any limiting belief or consideration a person is holding, that prevents them from healing and changing now. Often this takes the form of implicit self-hatred.”
Go to the link and read about it for yourself. I really like this setup phrase because of its honesty. I’ve found it to be much more believable than pie-in-the-sky affirmations that are so much beyond what one currently believes.
But by adding the powerful “Even though,” we admit where we are and then can affirm what we want. For example, try combining all of the tips above in one powerful statement. “Even though I’ve struggled, I deeply and completely love and accept myself.” Then…. “Even though I’ve struggled, I’m now in the midst of turning everything around.” When we add the power of tapping (here’s a very good video tutorial on EFT tapping) to this powerful language, amazing breakthroughs are realized.
Watch your language. These three small adjustments can make your dreams come true. Are you willing? Are you ready to make them happen or are you all talk?
For more on powerful language options, read these posts.
If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!
